She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
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FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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