SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
