In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
