Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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