We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
