honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
