1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
