You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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