She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
