Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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