Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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