Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
