She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
