I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
