On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize