Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
