So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
