dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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