Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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