If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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