Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
