the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
