we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
where are my eyebrows?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
