Apparently you make a good broom.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
