So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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