I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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