Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
