ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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