He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How does it feel to date your dad?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
