how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
