my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
