i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
