dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
