I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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