Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
