What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
