I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize