I'm lost and stupid without you.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
