Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
