He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
