meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
