Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I want is dick and wine.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
