I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
