I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
