shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
