well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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