She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
