I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
my poor anus
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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