when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
