Me. At least after what I've been through.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
