This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize