Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
