JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
