apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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