My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize