Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize