"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
