I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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