Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
