I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
