The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I didn't notice because vodka
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
