I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
