So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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