Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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