Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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