I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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