I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
