I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
