And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
