you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
